How You Can Effectively Set Boundaries in Your Relationship
"Boundaries" may seem like a harsh word at first glance. When most people hear or see that word, they immediately think of a line marking a certain area, a divider, or a separation.
The thought of boundaries in a relationship may seem like there is something wrong with your relationship. The truth of the matter is that boundaries can actually help to strengthen your relationship and make it even better!
Here's how you can effectively set boundaries in your relationship.
Boundaries
No matter what type of relationship you're in, there are boundaries. Boundaries exist between friends, family, partners, coworkers, and more. They're lines you can't physically see, but they exist, and they actually are essential for healthy relationships.
Types of Boundaries
There are several different areas where boundaries can apply. These are some types of boundaries:
Digital
Emotional
External
Material
Mental
Physical
Sexual
Spiritual
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
These are a few examples of healthy boundaries in relationships:
Asking permission
Being honest
Considering your partner's feelings, wants, and needs
Giving space
Showing gratitude and respect
Taking accountability for actions
How to Set Effective Boundaries
If you're new to boundaries, here are some great ways to set effective boundaries in your relationship:
Set Boundaries Early
Boundaries can be hard to set, especially if you've been in a relationship with none. The earlier you set boundaries, the better it will be in the long run. Knowing the expectations for both you and your partner can help prevent you from feeling hurt, confused, or frustrated down the road.
Be Consistent
If you have a specific boundary, stick to it. The moment you allow something to happen that you're not fully comfortable with, the more confusing it will be for your partner the next time a similar situation may happen. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
Communication is Key
Discussing your boundaries with your partner is the only way for you two to be on the same page. Talking it out will give you both the opportunity and free space to discuss your boundaries and the reasons you're setting them. You'll know where you both stand and how you can work together to better your relationship with one another.
Use "I" Statements
Boundaries already have a bad association with them for some reason. Lessen the blow by using "I" statements. This can help cut down on any accusations, criticism, and rejection.
Instead of saying something like "You always do ___ to me" or "You made me ___," try to use "I" statements like, "I feel ___ when you," or "I felt really ___ when this happened."
Take Time for Yourself
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship is to take time for yourself. This may seem like it goes against building your relationship, but it's a great way for you to work towards being a better partner.
Taking time for yourself isn't selfish. You're giving yourself some needed self-care, so you're happy and healthier, which will make your relationship happier and healthier as well.
Feeling Guilty Doesn’t Mean You Should Not Set Boundaries
It’s common to feel guilty or uncomfortable when setting boundaries. You may find when you shift and say something differently, you may feel like “did I do the wrong thing?.” Ask yourself, are you supporting your values? Boundaries are an essential form of self-care just like getting a good night's sleep and eating a nutritious meal.
Change is possible. You can discover a different way of being, living, and relating to each other. And you can learn ways to be open and honest with each other that you might have been scared about in the past, to share what you truly want, and to have a satisfying sex life. In fact, after couples coaching, you might feel more connected than you ever have before.
To get in touch or to learn more about relationship coaching and how we can work together, give me a call at (201) 464-2057.